Here are the 7 of the most common expectations that destroy relationships. These expectations about having a better relationship are usually what can lead to the demise of the relationship. Get rid of these 7 expectations to avoid destroying your relationship.
1. We are defined by what we have
Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship between you and your partner. You are defined by the connection and support between the two of you and not by what you can physically acquire. Many couples put on a facade that their relationship is great by showing the world a lot of “stuff.”
Love can easily be enhanced by spending time enjoying simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.
Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.
2. Love means fixing your partner
When you met your partner, there were probably many special things about him or her that you liked and admired. Acceptance of the whole person is critical for a relationship to last. Attempting to change someone never works!
3. I am supposed to give up the things I like
Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself and it won’t work. You do not need to give up things you enjoy doing in order to make your relationship better.
Sure there may be times when you have to make sacrifices in certain situations, but overall, remain true to who you are. Do the things you love to do. A relationship should not rob you of your uniqueness and creativity.
4. I have to love everything about my partner
From the moment we were each born, we learned behaviors from our parents, teacher, coaches, church and the rest of the world. The problem is, no one is perfect. We all come with various flaws and quirks. Your partner does and you do too! Our behaviors are merely that. Just behaviors.
Sometimes it can change, sometimes it’s just a habit and sometimes it is a behavior that is there to stay. For example, it irritates you when your partner leaves the toilet seat up. Take note that this is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. When we start to consider all of a person’s behaviors the essence of who they are, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict that can’t be fixed.
5. It is only about what I say
Love is just as much about what you say as what you do. Saying “I love you” is a great thing to do but showing love is also required. Everyone speaks a different love language. See The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts for a great book about how you can best show your love to your partner.
6. I will be rescued by a knight in shining armor
People are made to love and honor one another but not rescue one another. You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. Many little girls do. It is a fantasy that is perpetuated throughout society. Your responsibility, however, in creating a better relationship, is to bring your whole self to the table.
Some days you will provide support and other days your partner will provide support to you. You will each get a chance to help each other because you love each other. It goes both ways and different times.
7. I don’t have to work at my relationship
As a child, you learned to crawl before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences. These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.
At your job, you likely have to learn new things. If you are a parent, you are constantly learning new and better ways to interact with your children. The learning and the work never stops! A relationship always takes work. It’s just the way it is.
1. Your partner’s behavior in a better relationship is not your partner’s true essence.
2. You can’t “fix” your partner.
3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is not required.
4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.
5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although those things can be important to a certain extent) but the simple things in life.
6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.
7. Relationships will always take work!